Relationship Rescue in Five Steps

No one wants to see a marriage or relationship fail. If you aren't willing to give up on yours then you may need “relationship rescue”. You can find all kinds of books about it, advice from friends, and there is no end to the counselors who will charge you an outrageous rate for their assistance. You can usually distill the advice they give down to a few simple steps.

First and foremost, be honest. Second, be accepting of the other person. These two go together and may be difficult if you aren't willing to accept the fact that most of the blame in relationship problems is shared. Your job is not finding the blame to assign to the other person, but to accept your own flaws and realize that there is truth to the complaints that your partner has about you. Keep an open mind and accept that there will be change required of both parties if the relationship is to survive.

Third, be willing to change. Don’t go into it grudgingly. Lasting love will require compromise many times. You will need to change or give up some things if there is going to be a relationship rescue taking place. Both partners will need to take a hard look inward and see what things they need to give up or work on. I will celebrate my thirty-ninth wedding anniversary this year, and I can personally vouch for the fact that willingness to change and be flexible, and not to be selfish is essential for a lasting relationship.

Fourth step, communicate! Get it out on the table! Ask the hard question! Don’t hold back, and don’t hold grudges. When something has been discussed and settled, move on. Relationship rescue becomes necessary when partners hold on to past hurts and issues and NEVER FORGET. Don’t bring up the past when dealing with the present. This is difficult, but there is nothing to be gained by beating up your partner with past sins. They have no defense and no remedy. Deal with the present and don’t travel the same road over and over again.

Fifth, and most important, approach your relationship rescue from a loving perspective. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t love your partner, so remember that love is patient and kind, is not proud or rude, and always protects, always hopes, always trusts, and always perseveres. Love never fails. They say that perception is reality, but be sure it isn’t a false reality. Your partner may be a workaholic or a slob, but could it be worse? Yes, they could be unemployed and struggling or a total bum. Don’t jump to conclusions about your partner’s behavior (see step 4).

So there you have it, five points that will serve you well, whether to rescue your faltering relationship, or to keep it from ever needing to be rescued.